How To Seduce Your Surgeon
by Vulcan Wolf
Summary: Based off a prompt from the kink meme, it's basically transporter shenanigans and gender-switching. After an away mission gone wrong, Jim and Bones have to somehow manage not only their own lives but handle Spock's gender-switch and all the hormones.
1. Chapter 1

**_This is in response to the following prompt from the ever-exciting meme, it's kind of a Jim/Spock McCoy/Spock at the beginning, the OP wanted McCoy/Spock but this just wouldn't behave! All usual and unfortunate disclaimers apply. And if Spock seems a tad OOC, just remember, he's a girl and his mentality might be a bit different._**

**_Prompt: "I've read lots of Girl!Spock/Kirk, but I don't think I've ever read girl!Spock/McCoy. So gimme some. Please? :) And I mean genderswitching, not always-a-girl!Spock, please." _**

**_

* * *

_**

Chapter One

Jim Kirk prided himself on keeping it cool even when things got really stiff and the odds weren't so much in his favor. However, if either his First Officer or his CMO were involved somehow, things could get really ugly really fast. Jim was famous for completely freaking out until one or the other, which ever one had been fortunate enough to get left behind, shook some sense into him. When it was both of them gone at the same time, somebody else had to do the shaking. He was lucky Bones was around, he didn't actually start freaking out until Scotty started loosing Spock's pattern _and _his signal.

"Get him back, Scotty!" Jim snapped, watching the empty platform and trying to ignore the erratic flickering of the transporters. Suddenly, everything kicked in and he heaved what turned out to be a very premature sigh of relief. As soon as Spock materialized on the platform, he fainted. Jim cleared the base in two leaps and caught Spock as he sank to the ground.

"Scotty?"

"Aye, Captain?"

"W-what, precisely, went wrong just now?"

"I dunno, sir. The commander's signal got all scrambled and I lost 'im for a minute there."

"Oh we have a problem." Jim tried not to freak out, but that was hard enough when you were holding your unconscious best friend who had come back from a mission…and he wasn't _quite _the way you'd sent him off that morning. They had started beaming the Away Team back when atmospheric disturbances started interfering with their transporters. Well, now Jim knew exactly what kind of interference it _was_. Spock had gone down as himself, and God help them all he'd come back a woman! Jim, whose everyday _life _was the epitome of bizarre spectacular, had never heard of or seen anything _quite _like this before. The rest of the Away Team gathered around to see and all of them reacted the same way.

"What _happened_?"

"I don't know what happened! Scotty, get down to Engineering! Sulu, Chekov, you get back to the bridge! Get us out of here before something _else _goes wrong!" He snapped, sending his officers scattering like leaves, "Transporters to Sickbay, Bones, I need you!" His mind was racing and Jim tried to think of how Spock would take this. Spock, as a rule, didn't freak out about much of anything, he generally left that to Jim with great success. This would be interesting. Bones arrived in under five minutes, he usually did that when Jim called from Transporters. When he saw Jim, he stopped dead and about five different expressions flashed across his face. Bones didn't like being surprised, and it was kind of hard for Jim and Spock to actually _take _him by surprise after two years living with each other. This qualified as a surprise.

"Jim?"

"Yeah, Bones?"

"What, _precisely_, am I looking at here?"

"There was a problem with the transporters, we're lucky Spock came back _alive_."

"Alive, but he's…_not_…"

"I know, Bones." He got up, "Get Spock to Sickbay and let me know what you find out, I have to get us out of here."

"Okay, Jim. I'll take her." Bones took Spock and headed for Sickbay while Jim raced to the bridge to get them away from the deceptively peaceful world of Pentarus.

* * *

There, chapter one. If you liked it, drop me a PM or a review and let me know! I like to know what my readers think! Love it, hate it, print it out and burn the whole thing? Thanks for reading!


	2. Chapter 2: Log Entries

"Captain's Log, Stardate 2260.84. We have left the orbit of Pentarus, and it can't be soon enough. Atmospheric disturbances caused problems with the Away Team, making communications sketchy at best and nonexistent at worst. In the best interest of my people, I brought the Away Team home from the surface. There were no real issues until we beamed back Commander Spock, who has been relegated to Sickbay until further notice. Doctor McCoy has promised to keep me up-to-date on my First Officer's condition, I can't help but worry something went terribly, terribly wrong. I plan on reporting to the Admirals as soon as I get my own head on straight, and maybe requesting a second shot at exploring Pentarus. I've heard the disruptions only last a short time, perhaps I can take the Enterprise back during a calm spell and finish my mission to what promises to be an absolutely beautiful world. I only hope I can enjoy a successful mission with Commander Spock in good health. For now, that remains to be determined."

* * *

"Chief Medical Officer's Log, Stardate 2260.85. We're one day out from Pentarus and to my relief and consternation, Commander Spock has regained consciousness. There was apparently some kind of atmospheric disruption that interfered with our transporters and made safe beam-out difficult. And people wonder why I hate the damn things? Stuff happens! The Captain has asked me to keep him informed, and I will…as soon as I figure out exactly how I'm going to say it gently. Whatever interfered with our transporters messed up Commander Spock's DNA and genetic makeup and what we sent to Pentarus didn't come back. Commander Spock, for all intents, purposes, and necessity, is a woman. I've never seen anything like it and not the faintest how I'll manage Spock as a woman. I guess there's a first time for everything."

* * *

_**AN: Sorry for the shortness, I just wanted to post up the log-entries. No dialogue or descriptives, just two log-entries from two very confused, very concerned boys. Remember, that little button at the bottom of the window is there for a good reason. Review!**_


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

As soon as he woke up in Sickbay, Spock just _knew _something was wrong. He was rarely ever sick, visits to Sickbay outside of the quarterly physicals rarer still. Something was _not _right, and it bothered Spock that the cause wasn't immediately obvious. There was a rustle of movement and Doctor McCoy, the Enterprise's surly, endearing CMO, slipped through the gap in the privacy screens. The man stopped dead in his tracks when he saw that Spock was awake.

"Oh! Y-you're awake!" As if that was a problem. Why did the man look so frightened? Spock wasn't going to commit any violence.

"Doctor, you look…"

"Worried? Yeah, _just _a little." McCoy sounded awful, Spock sounded all wrong. Was that really the sound of his own voice? It didn't sound like him at all. He frowned, or as much as he ever frowned. McCoy was very, _very _uncomfortable and approached the bed as though expecting Spock to jump up and bite him, "Spock, what's the last thing you _actually _remember?"

"Why?"

"Just…what do you remember?"

"I remember…calling back to the Enterprise to Mr. Scott. I remembered something about interference from the atmospheric electrical storms, how beaming out would be dangerous at best. I do not…remember anything else." Why did his voice sound so different? Did he have a cold? Was something else wrong?

"Spock, I don't know how to break this to you gently, but I'm sure gonna try. When we beamed you back, it almost didn't work. The fact that Scotty was able to recover your pattern and beam you to safety just proves he really _can _do anything impossible. But when you got _back_, you weren't yourself."

"How?"

"The electrical storms had picked up by then and scrambled up your DNA and your genetic makeup. I thought after five years living with Jim, I knew what bizarre was. I have never been so morbidly _wrong_."

"What happened?"

"You should look at your reflection. Just…just don't break the mirror." McCoy held out a small vanity mirror and Spock wondered what he would see. Turning the mirror so he could see, Spock was astounded and mildly horrified to realize that it was his face staring back at him, but it was much fairer and more feminine. Before allowing him…her…oh no. What _was _he? He looked at McCoy.

"What am I?"

"After that little disaster, you're a woman. All the bells, whistles, and joys of womanhood come with it." It was obviously a conversation McCoy did _not _want to be having, Spock didn't blame him at all. She was a woman? Because of electrical storms on Pentaurus? Her thoughts raced in circles and she fought for that center of calm all Vulcans were possessed of. The only two outward signs of her shock and utter dismay were the mirror that shattered when she dropped it and the look in her eyes. Women were just simply more expressive than men, that held true for Vulcan women and Human women and as Spock was precisely half-Human, more so. McCoy apologized and left her alone, "I'll give you a minute to get your thoughts together. Just…just don't leave Sickbay. _Please_."

"I am not like the captain, Doctor McCoy, I will not make a break for the doors the minute your back is turned."

"Okay, thank you." A flicker of relief. Spock watched him go and wondered how she would ever adjust to a new body. She had never really considered what it was _like _to be a woman, she'd never had to bother. Well, at least there were people here on the Enterprise, people she trusted, who could help her adjust more quickly and more easily.

* * *

_Sorry about the shortness! I couldn't find any way to make this longer without ruining it! Readers, what do you want to see next? I have another couple of chapter planned and written that I'll post up, but after that...it's open to suggestions. _


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four

Jim was pacing in his Ready Room, wondering that he hadn't torn his hair out by the roots yet, when the chime rang. He'd just reported to the Admirals, explaining the reason behind his withdrawal from Pentarus. He hadn't actually told them about Spock, just that there had been an issue and Spock was recovering in Sickbay for the moment. They would monitor the storms and as soon as the skies were clear, they had Admiral Pike's orders to return and finish the mission. Distracted by the sounding of the chime, he turned.

"Come in!" he went back to pacing. The doors opened and Bones came in looking like he'd rather be anywhere else. Jim stopped dead and looked at his best friend, "Bones?"

"I…don't know what to _tell _you, Jim." Bones shook his head, raking one hand through his hair in a frustrated motion Jim was used to seeing when things got tough, "I've been a doctor for three years and I have _never _seen something like this!"

"I'm sorry, Bones. What did she do? What did she _say_?"

"Actually, I'm doing most of the freaking out. Not that we're surprised." Bones looked tired, like he hadn't slept in a few months. "She broke a mirror when she dropped it, and I've never seen Spock look so _scared_. What can we do?"

"Let the girls handle it. I know Christy, Nyota, and Gaila will be good to Spock. They all know and respect Spock, they all love her in their own ways. They'll help her adjust to this."

"Then _we _have some serious adjusting to do." Bones collapsed in one of the chairs Jim kept handy for visitors, "Do you think this'll change anything between you two?"

"I hope not. You know I take the girls dead serious, why should I treat Spock any differently just because she got shafted by an electrical anomaly during a beam-out? She knows how I treat my girls, this shouldn't be _too _hard. I just can't treat her like I used to."

"Treat her like a lady and she'll give you the respect you deserve." Bones cracked a sad smile, "I can't remember who told me that, but I'd really like to thank them."

"I think that was Ambassador Selvak, actually. Sounds like something he probably told all of us regarding the girls. And if we treat the Enterprise like a lady, she'll always take us where we need to go and get us home again."

"Boy has _that _been the truth! I swear this ship is sentient sometimes! It's like she knows what needs to happen, what Scotty needs, and she gives it to us." Bones leaned his head back, "Ugh."

"Bones, get some sleep, man. You look worse than _I _do, and I haven't slept in a week."

"I'll leave things to Christy and M, they should be able to handle it down there."

"Go on, old man." Jim ushered Bones to the door and saw him out, "If something comes up, we'll get you out of bed."

"Thanks, Jim." Bones waved and trudged off to his quarters. Jim followed to make sure he didn't divert to Sickbay. He didn't, and Jim called down to make sure Christy and M'Benga had their orders.

"How's the patient?"

"Not a peep out of her. What happened?"

"Those damned electrical storms fucked up her system, Christy. She's gonna need somebody who's walked the walk and knows the rules. Do me a favor, sweetheart?"

"You don't have to ask more than once, JJ. I'll take care of Spock. Want me to rally the girls?"

"Yes, please, just don't overwhelm her."

"We won't." Christy smiled and reassured him that Spock was in perfectly good hands. He could only hope this minor catastrophe would turn out to be something _good _for the Enterprise. Jim could handle having a female First Officer, in fact he kinda thought it was a cool concept. He just needed some advice on how to put _up _with one. So, crossing his fingers, he called Admiral Pike.


	5. Chapter 5

**_AN: Chapter Five centers more on events taking place elsewhere from the Enterprise. Just FYI. Thanks!_**

* * *

Chapter Five

Christopher Pike was shuffling paperwork and hating bureaucracy for the damned thing itself, when he got a call from the USS Enterprise. It was Jim, again. And he had a bizarre question. Pike knew it was serious when Jim called him Chris. The kid only did that if he had a bigger problem than Command knew about. And never once had Pike blabbed.

"Hey, Chris, you got a minute?"

"Sure, Jim. What's up? You look torn between utter panic and like you're not sure if you should be dancing for joy. What little nugget did you hide from the Admirals this time?"

"Um…way back before Spock was your XO, you had a female First, didn't you?"

"Gillian Presley, of course. She's still around, by the way."

"Oh, thank god. Um, how…how did you two get along?"

"When she wasn't hating my guts for being of the opposite sex, we got along alright. Why?"

"Remember those lightening storms I told you about and how they fucked around with our transporters?"

"Uh oh. Jim?"

"I have a six-foot-five problem named Spock and once she's out of Sickbay, god help the Enterprise."

"I think you mean God help the Enterprise's _captain_." Pike tried not to laugh. He was also trying to picture Spock as a girl, "Is that why you were asking about Uno?"

"Yeah. So, it _can _be done?"

"Just treat her like a lady, Jim."

"No problem. I don't want to lose my First Officer because I've only got enough blood for one process at a time."

"Keep your belt buckled and sit on your hands. Passes on the XO are a big fat no-no, a good way to get smacked around. She's touchy already, so it's hands-off, Jimmy."

"I kind of like my head where it is, but I think she's more likely to take it because I'm a stupid male than because I made a pass at her. She'd be reaching south for _that _one."

"Good luck, Jim, and let me know if Gillie or I can help."

"Will do, Chris. Thanks for your help." Jim couldn't _quite _smile, but at least his sense of humor was back. Approximately ten seconds after the screen went black, his door opened and Gillian Presley walked in in all of her beautiful, long-legged glory. Pike pushed back from his desk and smiled at her.

"Have I ever told you how long that skirt makes your legs look?"

"Only every time you see me in one of them, you idiot. What's going on with Jim this time?"

"He's got a problem of the, ah, female variety on his hands."

"Uhoh. Did Uhura finally get tired of his flirting?"

"That would be easy, and he probably wouldn't have called in such a bloody panic. Sit down." He folded his hands over his belt-buckle and sighed when Gillian boldly sat on his desk and folded her legs _just so_, "Damn it, Uno!"

"You told me to sit down."

"So I did."

"What kind of trouble is Jim getting into?"

"The electrical storms of Pentarus have driven the Enterprise to find safety and regroup. One of the officers was affected during beam-out and things…are bound to get interesting." He shrugged and reached around her for a padd, "I don't know if I should actually feel sorry for Jim or toast him as the luckiest man in the Federation."

"Why?"

"Because that's what he gets to argue with on the bridge, that's his chess-partner." Pike chuckled and opened the file transmitted from the Enterprise. It was a new bio-pic for Spock, and Chris no longer pitied Jim except for the simple fact that, yet again, the most desirable woman in his life was _not _his Silver Lady. He held out the padd to Gillian, who looked at the _very _attractive dark-haired Vulcan female displayed in the headshot.

"Who's this? I didn't know we'd assigned him a new XO."

"Before you start hating me for replacing Spock, look at the stats, Gillie." He just smiled. Gillian read further and Chris saw her eyes widen in shock.

"_What_?"

"Say hello to Commander Spock. No thanks to a glitch during beam-out, Jim now gets to have fun with his First Officer, who has one more reason to throttle him than she did before."

"Oh my god! Chris, we can't tell _anyone_! If this got out, they'd both get the ax! Harken and Boll would go crazy and do a victory dance if they saw this picture!"

"Which is precisely why you and I are now the secret-keepers."

"No _problem_." Gillian, though she would never admit out loud and was just as likely to give him a bruise for the trouble, had a soft-spot for Jim and his officers. The Magnificent Seven, the Golden Trio. So they agreed to keep the root of the problem secret and agreed as well that Jim was one lucky bastard. His XO was one foxy lady and Chris had the feeling that once Spock reached her comfort zone, she would be a real force to be reckoned with. Meaning, you didn't fuck with Spock unless you wanted an ass-kicking and a three-alarm hangover the next morning.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter Six

After giving Spock a few days to adjust, Jim was thrilled when she showed up on the bridge one morning right at the start of Alpha Shift. He was going over the night's reports, completely focused on the data before him, when he heard the door open. He listened and smirked.

"Commander, take your station from Ensign Bartlett, if you wouldn't mind."

"Aye, Captain." He heard the wise-ass smirk in her voice and felt his own smirk take root. Jim glanced up and arched an eyebrow, "Mr. Sulu, Mr. Chekov, I don't recall your controls being on the wall behind me. Back to work, gentlemen."

"Y-yes, sir." The duo at Helm stations shared a startled look and dutifully got busy. Behind him, Spock chuckled. After finishing the night-shift reports and signing off on them, he got up and did a circuit of the bridge. He paused behind the Science post and leaned over the back of Spock's chair. Beside him, Nyota Uhura just smiled to herself.

"If you need anything, Spock, just let me know."

"I think I can take care of myself, Captain."

"Just looking out for my officers." He smiled and touched her shoulder briefly. Spock before the accident had been alright with extended contact, but he hadn't been around post-switch Spock enough to linger _too _muchlonger. Invasion of personal space seemed to be okay, but touching was something to be approached far more cautiously. He moved on and had a few words with Uhura in Arabic, which was the language he spoke to her when he didn't want anyone else to eavesdrop. Spock knew Arabic, but it was usually a three-way conversation anyway. Once he'd circuited the bridge, he visited Sickbay. Christy was in a good mood this morning, things were going well with Spock's adjustment.

"She's real quick, JJ, there's not a whole lot more we'll be able to teach her."

"What's left?"

"She…well, she's asked for advice on relationships and _flirting_."

"Uh-oh." Jim rubbed the bridge of his nose, "Anything I should look out for?"

"I told her for flirting, start with the people you're most comfortable with. So, don't be surprised if she tries something out on you."

"And if there's any question, I was a willing participant but I did_ not _start it."

"Who would ask?"

"Christy!"

"Oh." Christy just rolled her eyes and Jim thanked god for girls like Christine Chapel who understood, loved, and tolerated him. He visited Engineering, spoke with Gaila, and spent the rest of the morning puttering around with Scotty, who had a bunch of new projects to show him and drool over. Business as usual, and thank _god _for that.


End file.
